Pondering

I am just sitting here looking at Thales. I don't think there is a day that goes by that I am not thanking God for him. I still cannot believe how long it has taken us to finally have a baby. I am just very very blessed.
Chris and I know for sure we will eventually adopt. However, we also want to have another biological baby. I love looking at Thales and seeing Chris (I'm in there somewhere lol) and we would love to have another. Now that we figured out our fertility problems...getting pregnant won't be the hard part..the deciding on whether or not we should will be!
We carry a genetic disease so with every pregnancy, the baby has a 25% chance of having it and passing away. I prayed a long time before we got pregnant with Thales and I will do the same again..I just wonder if it makes me a bad mother to take the chance again? This isn't something we are trying to decide today..probably will be in the next few yrs (if I can get done with nursing school!) Just something I am pondering about as I am looking at him. Not trying to rush my time with him or anything..but we do want him to have a sibling. If it is God's will I believe when the time comes we will have peace about trying to conceive again. If there is no peace, we won't.
On an end note...I love you very much Thales Christopher! You are so very wanted and we thank God for you!

2010 Halloween

Hubby and I took Thales trick or treating yesterday with some friends. We had such a blast! Poor Thales got hot because it was so warm but hubby and I just had so much fun. I was so tickled to go up to each door and get FREE candy!

The Past Year..

It has been a very long time since my last post! So much as happened in the past year..

Hubby decided to join the Air Force and left out for basic training in May 2009. He finished his tech school later in the year in December. I decided to move to Texas during his tech school so I could be close to him..yes people I prefer to not be without him! :=) We are stationed at Dyess AFB in Abilene, TX.

In September 2009 I became pregnant!!! FINALLY!!! After so long of trying God finally gave me my wish! Thales Christopher was born 05/20/2010 and he's healthy!! PRAISE GOD! The 9 months was very diffcult for me because I was so scared he might have been born with the same disease but God kept giving me inner peace throughout the pregnancy. I had my moments but trusted the Lord anyway :-)

I am very happy with my life right now! I feel blessed everyday to have a wonderful husband and son. Satan may try to attack us on our weaknesses but we are trying to live right and are back in church! And it feels amazing!!!!

My Little Butterfly

My Little
Butterfly

It happened so quick

It happened so fast

How could we know

That is was your time to go

You have no more bandages

You are in no more pain

But my heart is breaking

And life without you will
never be the same

I know you are happy

Flying high in the sky

Soaring though the wind

Like a little butterfly

I am not worried,

This isn’t good bye

‘Cause next time I see a
butterfly flying real low

That will be you coming to
say hello

I close my eyes and think
of you

And wonder where you are

But you are always in my
heart

So you are never very far

So fly my little Angel

Fly real high

Just like all of the other
butterflies

Up in the sky

~Sara Denslaw 2008

Don't Tell Me You Understand

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know.
Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.
Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed.
That I am chosen for the task, apart from all the rest.
Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.
Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to grieve, don't tell me when to cry.
My life is filled with selfishness, my pain is all I see,
But I need you and your love...Unconditionally.
Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say, "My friend, I care."

Author Unknown

http://www.geocities.com/ebmomma/poetry.htm

Untitled Poem

I think about you day and night and wonder "Why Me?",
I wanted you so very much my precious baby.
At least I had the chance to hold you and feel your touch.
And to tell you to remember Mommy loves you very much.
I know they say with time the pain will go away.
But my love and memories for you will always stay.
I wanted so much to hear you laugh and cry,
so many dreams have just passed me by.
I know I must let go and begin to move on,
but I don't know how to say goodbye...

(Author Unknown)

Simple Treasures

A few poems I really love and hold dear to me.

You were a part of us and we knew a life was there.
We would wonder--a boy or girl? Would you have hair?
I reflect back on the memories of what I felt inside
Were you growing? Was that a aflutter? Were your eyes open wide?
Now you're here but not as we planned.
Our dreams have been shattered as we touch your little hand.
Your tiny feet, your sleeping face, we know you're in a special place.
Your peaceful look, your little nose. God cradles you in sweet repose.
But we have these gifts to hold close to heart.
And we will always have the memories of which you are a part.
You were a part of us and we knew a life was there.
We thank you for these simple treasures you have placed within our care.

(Author Unknown)